Let go of feelings

For a long time reading was my means of escaping from my feelings. But those feelings never got out; they gathered and became a big mountain of sad and worried thoughts. Writing is new to me, but it’s the best way I have found to let go of my feelings.

Last few weeks I wrote a lot about love. I am one person who doesn’t like romantic stuff, even discussing about romance would irritate me most of the times. Couples posting their cosy pictures on social media sites, calling their partners all sorts of weird (sweet) names, especially those long posts expressing love would disgust me.

Today I was going through my blogs, and I was shocked because my poems and stories about love are so anti-me. My best friend says I am in love, though I deny that fact. But I am lost somewhere. I have never spent so much time checking if someone is online. I have never kept searching for someone in the crowd. I have never wanted to dress up and go to college (I will be the last person on the planet who wants to dress up).

There are a lot of things I am doing unknowingly or knowingly, which I haven’t ever done before. I have had crushes before, lots of them, but this??? I can’t call this infatuation, because I know it’s not. Then is my best friend correct? I hate to admit and I want to deny it, but yes she might be right (because she is always right). There is no other reason I would get up early and get dressed properly instead of the usual hurried way.

I figured out a long time back that he doesn’t have same feelings which I have. So what do I do? Avoid him or cry? No, deal with my feelings maturely. Ignoring someone is never a way out especially when you have to work together and meet each other everyday. Running away from things, is something I have never done and will never do. So everyday I will meet him with the same smile I had always,  the same friendly way I used to talk to him and deal with things like how a grown up should. But my eyes will still search for him, till the time they don’t find someone else to search for (because I am still learning grownup skills).



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